Sound of a Heart Breaking

I know intimately the sounds of a heart breaking, of fears found true, alive and living well in my own life. This sound; the gasping and uneasy queasiness of failure, of let downs, of love lost and days bound by unwelcome solitude is the sound I express alone, in private behind closed doors. I recognize in others, the familiar sound that escapes my throat from time to time when I realize it is April 9, and for ten years I have not been able to speak to my father. It catches me off guard these days. I may see a man who reminds me of him, or hear a song reminiscent of the out of tune whistling on a Saturday morning, at an hour when not even the birds dare open their mouths. I miss him and I mean to say that I know what it feels like to have your heart broken and to have to carry it piecemeal with you in the the hopes that you may find someone who knows how to make it whole again. I wish for myself to have gumption to not be trapped by my fears of losing again, to not be overcome by a "what is the point" attitude, but to thrive and remind myself often that to love and lose love is to have lived to the fullest; the richest life possible.